BREAKING NEWS. Dateline 18 March 2020, Charmin, FL

BREAKING NEWS

 

Dateline 18 March 2020, Charmin, FL

Woman accosted and mugged while walking from her car to her house while carrying 20 rolls of toilet paper.

Nelda Guano of #2 Dung Rd, Charmin, FL was attacked by members of the renowned street gang, the Scatologists while carrying her recently purchased package of toilet paper from her car to her home.  Ms Guano valiantly resisted the sudden run against her.  The ensuing melee resulted in a runny mess.  Authorities were called to the scene.  First responder, Mr. Whipple told BS News reporter Don Buttucks that MS Guano’s “take no crap’ attitude enabled her to wipe the Scatologist’s behinds.  He added, “They won’t be sneaking up behind anyone anymore.”  Mr. Whipple ended his comments with, “Charmin, FL is a lovable town where we all just want to squeeze closely together.”  On the off chance someone reading this post does not recognize it as satire (weak though it may be)  It is satire.  Everyone knows nothing ever happens in Charmin, FL.